Thursday, April 15, 2010

My Eyeballs

I keep thinking I'm going to lose an eyeball. Is that weird?

I keep writing about characters with eye patches, and seeing people with bandages across their eye.

"Careful!" I said to a man on subway holding a broom. "If you swing that the wrong way, you'll stab my eyeball!" He turned and sighed.

"Don't throw paper airplanes!" I said to the boy I give guitar lessons to. "Might hit an eyeball." And naturally, I pointed at my eyeball. He stared at me and laughed.

This is a very irrational fear I have, like most fears, but I can't help it! I'm not worried about death, the economy, or global warming...just my eyeballs. A very shallow thought, but the truth.

And then I started thinking...If I DO lose an eyeball, maybe it wouldn't be too bad. Under two strict conditions:

1 - That there's a big, bad ass scar going from my forehead to my cheek.

2 - That I own lots of fake eyeballs. Really cool ones, too, like I'm a James Bond villain. I ALSO want an eyeball that's like a snow globe, so when I shake my head it's a winter wonderland.

Then it wouldn't be so bad, right?

I guess what I'm getting that we all have our weird fears. But maybe instead of trying to stop those fears, we should just realize that there's a strong possibility they could become real, and instead of running away from that, we should try to make it funnier.


  1. bah hahahahahahaha! this is SO funny! I love it! Especially the snow globe idea.

  2. There will be a horror movie made about this idea at some point. Mark my words.