Monday, May 3, 2010


I had the silliest conversation on the subway this morning. There were two boys, say around 12 or 13, and they were screaming the word "Avatar" over and over. Yup, straight up "Avatar" chant. So the other passengers and I are rolling our eyes, turning away, and covering our ears. But finally, when "Avatar" is screamed in my ear at about the 100th time or so, I finally snap.

"Listen!" I say, and I slowly walk up to them. The boys check me out, snickering a bit, and I stare them down. "Avatar sucked."

Then they get all quiet, and it's obvious they don't know how to respond. People are staring at us now, and one guy even applauds the silence.

"You didn't like Avatar?" one of the boys say.

"Gay-vatar," I say, and they gasp. Now I try not to use the word gay in a derogatory sense, but this particular situation really called for it.

"But James Cameron is awesome!" one of the boys say.

"I know he's awesome! Trust me, I know! But Avatar...come on! The Terminator - awesome. The Abyss - awesome. Those are movies worth chanting about."

And then they just stare at me, unsure of themselves and everything I'm saying.

"I mean, you have seen The Terminator, right?"

More silence. They shift their weight and shuffle their little feet.

"Come on guys, you've had to have seen that movie." Nothing. So then I lean back a little and turn to the other passengers, horrified, excepting them to have the same reaction as me.

"What about Aliens?" I say. "Tell me you've seen Aliens?"

"Monsters vs. Aliens?"

"No! God no! Aliens the movie, man. That Cameron's best."

"Well, I think Avatar is his best."

"Well, that's because you haven't seen his other movies. What about Titanic? I'll even take that."

"Gay-tanic," one of the boys say, and they high five.

"No, No! Listen to me! You need to go home and watch these movies! You have no idea what you're missing!"

And now the other passengers are turning away again. They're covering their ears and they're rolling their eyes. But I can't help it. I don't care if I sound as a ridiculous as a 12 year old boy screaming on the subway. I need to do this. To bestow some wisdom on these prepubescent boys.

And then guess what happened? I missed my fucking subway stop. Yup. I got so worked up debating these two little boners about action movies that I ended up being 30 minutes late to work.

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