Thursday, May 5, 2011


I've been tested for HIV three times in my life. Each time felt like a near death experience without being near anything. I was just waiting, flipping through magazines. It's not often we ask about deadly diseases. We go to the doctor, of course. We get "check ups." We let them tell us what's wrong. But asking outright 'Do I have this?' and then waiting - that's something different.

I don't know anything past the flu. I guess that's lucky? Yes. I'd say that's fucking lucky. But when you're waiting; sitting in that stupid room, that stupid chair, everyone wonders. They wonder about count downs. Of course having HIV doesn't mean you're dead. It doesn't even mean it will kill you. But it does remind you that something will. Get's ya thinkin'.

Car crashes, assaults, or any near death experience for that matter, they say it makes you appreciate life more. I like that. But it's different. Those are near something: they end. Sitting in a waiting room, know what you have? Magazines. You have time to think about your time.

Maybe we should all get tested more.

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