Two Runners

Today I was sitting in a park and I got an idea for a story. I took out my notebook, opened her up, and tried to write with my pen. It was out of ink, completely, and no matter how hard I shook it nothing would come out.

"Fuck you," I said, and then I looked up and saw two men, dressed as if preparing for a run, standing in front of me. They must have been walking by, and of course had to be placed in hearing distance of my mini tantrum.

"Sorry," I said. "I was talking to my pen."

And they stared at me. They stared at me in a way I've never been stared at before. I really can't describe it, but it made me feel very off, and they left.

Run, boys, run.

Funny. I'll never be able to forget those stares, but for the life of me I can't remember the story I wanted to write down.

Miyagi

There's a staff bathroom at my work, and it has a motion sensor light. Usually when I go in there it's dark, because it's been vacant and sans motion for however long they have the light timer set.

Anyway, what I like to do is enter the bathroom and do a quick karate move, either a front jab, uppercut, or perhaps a high kick, and then pretend "my moves" are what triggers the light to turn on, not just me entering.

So I did this just now: I opened the bathroom door, walked in, saw it was dark, and then did a kind of roundhouse move as the light flickered on. Now I've never taken karate, but I'm going to go ahead and toot my own horn and say it was a pretty good roundhouse. I was even a little out of breath afterwards. And that's when I turned and saw a faculty member standing at the entrance, holding the bathroom door open, and just staring at me. He must have been a few steps behind, now waiting to enter the bathroom, but obviously stopping due to a new staff member, me, doing a karate kick in front of him. So I just smiled, did another stretch, as if this was nothing out of the ordinary, and I headed to a urinal.

Darn it.

I couldn't see the faculty member anymore, but I heard him go into a stall and shut the door behind him. I'm not sure of it, but I'm pretty confident I heard him giggle.

Darn it.

So here's my lesson: If you're going to do a karate move in an unconventional place, either do it alone or be prepared for people to laugh, with or with out you.

After Dark Stretching

If you come to my apartment past 9pm unexpectedly, there is an 85% chance you will see me completely naked (and yes, those are tested numbers).

So over the past few weeks I've been standing in front of my kitchen window and noticing new lights pop up in new rooms filled with new neighbors.

I know nothing about these people, but regardless, when I get my mindnight snack or do some puttering, I always stop to see what they're all doing. They stay up pretty late, at least later than me, so by the time I'm watching them the lights to my apartment are off so no one is able to see me. None of them are ever doing anything particularly interesting, mind you, and I'm well aware I'm being a bit creepy by doing this, so I try not to stand there too long.

Anyway. A few nights ago I woke up around 1am and really wanted some chocolate. You know that feeling? So I got out of bed, walked down my hallway of an apartment, and opened the fridge. For some reason I also felt the need to switch on my kitchen light, turning my windows into mirrors so I was unable to see past them.

Hm.

SO I ate my chocolate, had some milk, did a few stretches, and switched the light back off. And that's when I looked out of my window. In the distance I saw the shadows of my neighbors - all staring at me me. Yup. They saw me naked. They even saw me doing stretches while being naked, which is a whole different type of naked. And I didn't mind this, like I said I don't know these people, and even if I did, who really cares.

But what I do care about, or what I at least think is funny, is that people love watching. Whatever it is, we love it.

And now I'm tempted to walk around at night with the lights switched on.